rewrite

yellow and black.ive a butterfly following me everwhere i go.im afraid to run free with it because im at the edge of the cliff and im going to jump now so the butterfly wont follow,and will leave me,but now its the sea that scares me.

will you catch me peterpan.

-because for you i'll jump into the sea

a thousand times.

"the butterfly knws nothing"

puse elic ker (fuck yeah dont u love that name?) says that i should be emo that ucl rejected me.possibly,because this limits my chance to do what i want to do-read write read write read write read write and go into different sort of worlds and troubles and feelings.
bt im so zen.i was a bit upset at first,but i thought about it.ive other options,i could take a gap year and learn new things then.im in no rush.whatever happens,happens.and i guess ive this flittering fear that all these dreams of mine wont happen.but blah,its not for me to decide fate.
yet meanwhile,i'll push.

walk walk walk walk.

i love you because you dont judge me

cant you see

i hate jealousy

rachel likes maggie mee

butterfly,u dont exist

but hes a guy who does

another post.

time is so-

i sigh (real heavy,deep ones) when i look back at how things were and how things became

or laugh at how life hits you.

sometimes i feel like turning back

sometimes i feel like running forward

sometimes i feel like staying put

sometimes it doesn't matter.

jealousy-

gets me frustrated.

its not so much about wanting what someone else has.

its the swirl of unnecessary paranoia,insecurity and

ah,

possessiveness,

dissatisfaction. jealousy is like a blinking red light-

annoying.

and then ignorance makes me feel so-

fucked up.

its not blissful serene,being ignorant.it just Seems so.

a lie that stops you from feeling left out,or being hurt from knowing something you tell yourself you dont want to know.

and then you become curious

and then it kills you

(its killed me before.its killing me now.i feel like a cat,where each life seems so painful)

wealth,is banal.

trusting someone,is so (bladyeffing) hard,even though its something you want to do so-

badly.

i am so -
Tired. from studying chemistry.

i love life because its filled with things you can predict,cant predict,will predict,wont predict.that doesnt make sense.im telling u-its all these bonding,pH,equilibrium and org chem thing thats making me slightly woooozzyy.

lbk ate ostrich

thanks ben.

much love,

sha.

happy bday ching

.

u get those pretty girls with long legs and high heels and a silky top that shows off their cleavage,grabbing onto their cellphones and biting the ends of their sunnies,flaunting and backstabbing and being concerned about nonsensical things.

and then you get ai ching

which makes you smile because

you know shes whts truly beautiful.

*(CHING U BETTER READ EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THIS OKAY)

to the girl who:-

loves chic lit ,
encourages people to make love (not war),
improves the (Dirty) vocab of little naive weaklings at mckl,
has an obsession on ramaesh balasingam,
talks too much during maths class,
has a habit of telling pointless stories,
always brings her camera during parties and what not,
enjoys wearing boardshorts,a shirt and just slippers,
takes pride in certain things shes capable of and doesnt need to be modest about it,
lusts for outdoor activities or anything related (so much so shed spend a hundred dollars on any sort of outdoor equipment like bags and water bottles),
has a set of coloured pens she somehow adores,
is one of the reasons why im at mckl,
laughed with me from when i couldnt fit into a training bra until now,when i already have a cleavage,
allowed me to do her elrp homework and essay..only to get bad comments and a 'redo!",
used to sneak that sour apple ice lolly during lunch to the 2nd floor of the old wing,
believes in liberty and that some rules must be broken,
is miss goh's best friend,
played ping pong with me during sports even toh we both sucked,
loves the flow of money and more money and big houses and big cars and good food and hot male servants with wet white shirts (okay the male servants with wet white shirts could just me be),
accepts me for who i am and likes to say the word fuck,
has a mafia walk,
doesnt give a fuck if people thought she was weird and would do her own thing anyway,
says she wants to get rid of her tummy even toh she should know thats what makes ai ching..ai ching;so bubbly and confident,
wants to marry an italian man for food,
enjoys bullying people,
is so fun to be with (although being with her means getting dragged into sports shops and having to listen to weird noises and touching her cold nose in the cinema)
tells people when she is going to fart,
gets hungry so frequently and complains about it,
wants to be a seal and like sea turtles (green sea turtles,did you know,have green coloured fat),
makes a lot of strange noises sometimes for fun,
would fake an orgasm in class,
who used dkny be delicious (and maybe stil does),
has a very humorous imagination and is forever mirthful,
loves blue and never changes her style of things because thats just how she is-

happy fucking 18th birthday!

thank you for being the other pink pony.

its all karma

big garstang-riloh wants to say hi !

Hew Li-Sha’s Cambridge Interview- English.my first important interview was a fun experience.
(if i think back to some of the things i said,or didnt say,i cringe)
It seemed more of a discussion,or a chitchat at a café with someone with all your application details ,than an interview,really.At first,i didnt know what to say or expect.i had this funny uncomfortable feeling in my brain so even though I knew the answers I said I didn’t or didn’t answer properly because It was like everything blanked out (shut up la) .after awhile though it was like just talking to anyone ,and at times I forgot that she was the director of admissions with a doctorate from one of the top unis in the world.

wishes wishes wishes wishes
hopes hopes hopes hopes
dreams dreams dreams dreams.
dontcometruesooften

i really wish you told me.
again and again and again.i rip myself apart.here,have me.bite me.poke me.kill me.hit me. there.i give up. i cannot.
ignorance is like a yellow petalled flower-underwater
i want to run away (like how you did)

oh well.

happiness

girlfriends.

when ur so sick of how guys are so Fucking Cheap

its so good to be able to swear with them

the Big bolster

flying rabbits

her secret escape and our dirty feets

it was so big i couldnt put my fingers around it

theleven.

we're so fun

jangan jealous la

honeydew and rabbit

yesterday i was browsing at the 'fiction/literature' aisle ,and he suprised me by coming from behind and wrapping his arms around me.i dont know about you la,but i think thats sweet. maybe its like how fern thinks boon's joke is funny when Noone Else At The Table Did (or bothered to humour her)
bt hey its not everyday i share such corny details.cj says i blog about edward a lot,that im so obsessed over him.
i find that so disturbing.i think im more superior a woman to be Obsessed over a Guy.Obsessed isnt the right word anymore.
or maybe i just dont want it to be.
ive been having a good holiday
and ive been doing that bit of studying i promised myself to do.
today maria had a not so open- raya open house.
all of us from theleven (who are currently in kl) went. i guess theres this lingering GUILT when you say "no,i cant make it" to an Only Child whos left alone most of the time.shes so bored and lonely ,she taught the maid to dance and has decent conversations (..maybenotsodecentsinceitsamani) to the walls. and we could ALL fit onto one bed.
omg.i had such a good time catching up and just sitting there,laughing among the group of girls i Adore So Much .thats the thing about girlfriends,they Batu Gile.

anyway,enough ranting.

after bitching about a big,shiny bmw parked with its lights on and myself commenting about how it was probably a rich man-
"I'm rich.ive two daughters and a wife who loves me.what more can Anyone ask for?"
this post is to tell everyone that my father is the richest man in the world.
i love my family.i believe in round tables.

sherene says:
ash kie did merci la!
sha says:
what language are u chatting in,shen?

sha says:
NANYANGSIANGPAU!
sherene says:
WHATTHEHELL?
sherene says:
newsstraitstimes!

its october!

happiness is having lunch with a guy wearing those black converse shoes

bananas and raisins,caramel sauce and whipped cream

secretly,i love that we're still together .

its my favourite month of the year.

today i went out with edward.see me grin.also today,my mother mentioned something about how i cant go out with him anymore.but i think thats something too personal to blog about.lets just say sometimes,it sucks to be a girl. what did i do in my past life to deserve this. the outer layer of my endometrium is degenerating.i cant study tonight because im chatting with lianne and her stupidity is distracting.chuckles.just kidding.i shall sleep early.selamat hari raya.tmrw i shall see the girls in a pretty pink dress.or a baju kurung.or something.
im sleepy.11 pm.sha will sleep early tonight.

"..And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils."

-I dont think ive EVER seen daffodils before.