i flatter myself

finished.i like that word-Finished. Done. Completed.

i am very annoyed at the thought of college ending very soon,and all of us separating after that.
i wish i would be with all of them at the same time,and it hurts exceedingly,how our dreams seem to be scattered all over the world.it HURTS. damn it,why cant all of you just follow me to wherever it is i end up going to.
i think its a very sick desperation of mine.it is,isnt it?.i have too strong attachments,i should throw away my address book or something.
the only satisfaction i can get is believing that my friends will be very happy and content,wherever they will be.
cringe,i hate it when i get all soppy and sentimental. which is quite often,so that probably means that i hate myself quite often as well.blarh,how unfortunate.
plus,i contradict myself constantly. i think,very often about going abroad to study, on my own. its either excitement or fear,happiness or sadness,desperation or reluctance. i confuse myself. its a very amusing talent of mine.



time is very heartless,though.guys too(those bloody insensitive bastards).and so are my speakers.they wont work,so i cant hear anything coming from my laptop.
finals are in a few days and im going to restrain myself from blogging too much or using the computer for too long a time.forgive my possible absence.

SHA IS GOING TO STUDY.SHA IS GOING TO REACH FOR THE STARS AND GET THOSE A'S.

or,so she says.

Mmmmm.i want mamak food and sensible boys.
Why Wont My Speakers Work. GEEZ,i talk too much,they should now let me LISTEN.maybe it has swine flu.
i should make more sense,but its very fun being misunderstood. "..remain,as i do,incomprehensible.to be great,is to be misunderstood" .
its lovely,to appreciate something,that has been there,all the time.
i love the cold.i envy So Much other friends overseas who get to feel the cold in autumn and winter or on any other windy day,where they are.maybe theres something wrong with my receptors because while everyone said it was cold in Perth,i didnt .i think its the overwhelming happiness;i enjoy it so much,i feel only joy.
i want to see so much,and know so much about many different things.i envy those who have travelled and explored and learnt new things.
Jealousy is a very sad sin.

shes your nazi mother.

WHERE IS MY BIO TEXT BOOK.

Im Mrs.Darcy.
Mrs.Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Kiss Me.

I love NFG'S version of Kiss Me.i swoon each time.
dfskjdflsjdflksjdlfksjldfksjdlfksj

sha the feel the sick

it was a very last minute thing.
yesterday,i helped out at xperience roland.although,i honestly didnt do so much.i do more at mom's cafe,serving and running about and cleaning and taking orders and dealing with tiresome rich people who want things done their way just because they wear money all over themselves.

i spent half of the day,or more,with wei shi

i dont know why,even after so many years of being friends with her,i cant call her michelle.

it's wei shi !

it's wei shi eating!

it's wei shi smiling behind the counter!

it's wei shi! and wei shi's hands!

it's wei shi playing her favourite game!

and trust me,ive Tons more pics of her.

that's calvin.

that's the cute little boy i wanted to stalk.

i admit.photo editting fascinated me for the past few days.im getting quite bored of it now,though.

the man behind with the cool hair is mr.Japanese Man Who Likes To Eat Chicken-Suzuki MasakIng. he is so bloody chunted with the drums.


that's mok jee wen.

that's my saviour!




:) HAHA


back to studying with these two.
and shonna.
and other people.

"i cant pull off a tube top"
"u dont have to,shonn.most people put them on"

i should stop blogging.

i never knew editing photographs could be SO FUN.






sha spots something with wings..

and takes very careful steps so that it wont fly away..

sha grins.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.sleepy.
you know,i think ive exceptionally bad luck with the opposite sex.
its not just with the boyfriend,but with the guy friends as well.
i tell them to do something..they dont do it.
they say they'll do something..they dont do it either!
when i tell them not to do something,however..they ultmately end up Doing It anyway.
its like they're totally incapable of doing anything right!its nearly insane because i never really believed that Anyone in their right minds could be that Useless.its pretty unfair for the rest of the world,isnt it?
at the rate they're going,i'll soon decide to be Hitler-Sha and kill all the men off or something.
Seriously.

It was Earth Day.

These are my nerdy friends from Nerd Paradise,MCKL:

Kai Li,whom straight after trials,wanted to do Maths Homework.She has a compulsive need of having things being organized,planned out and productive.After lunch,she took us for a walk around my small garden and then, came into my room and started to read.

Shonna doesnt have to study to get her A's.In fact,instead of reading,she just looks at the pictures.I think thats why she hasnt decided what she wants to do yet.You really cant determine your whole life by looking at pictures.

OH,but Rachel,is my partner at un-nerdism among the four of us.

Its strange.Our grades hardly ever exceed theirs,but although there isnt a satisfaction(YET) in our results,we're the fastest thinkers and never fall for stupid tricks as easily as the other two.

We went for dinner at Souled Out.

lamb shank,lamb shank,lasagna,lasagna

"People are probably wondering..:

'Waaahh,that family has a lot of daughters'

*looks at Shonna*

'Oh' "

One day,i know im going to marry one of those fat Cina men,and shes going to marry a hairy Indian guy with a thick accent..and we're going to laugh about how things never turn out the way we wanted them to.

Things always change. In lower sec, it was Shonna teasing me and calling me a Rich Bitch every single day.

Nowadays, she says "I need to tease you,Sha" but her attempts always fail.

but i dont believe change matters so much,sometimes.A lot of her former habits might have disappeared,

but Shonna still stayed,and shes one of those sweet friends,who always will.

indian girl with the chinese instrument

the Bloody Brilliant masterminds in Black and white

Kai Li arranged my CD's.

Aparently,when i was showering,pastor's daughter decided to imitate a nun..

..although this definitely doesnt look like what a Nun would do

Then,we watched one my favourite movies-

"When Harry met Sally"

when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

and also,the Comedy Action Movie,rachel wanted to watch,after having spent Four Hours watching 19th century elegance- Get Smart.

They slept on the floor.Guess who got the mattress.

We slept at three,spending the night discussing literature,biology,chemistry,derivations of mathematical formulas,politics and oh ya,I nearly forgot,boys.

I like this picture of Shonn.She woke up first today,at 9.00am.I woke up at 9.01 am.I think rachel woke up at 9.01 am 30 seconds.

ironically,during this sleep over,the usual kia su kai li who Has to get things done all the time,slept the most.

Girl Power.

*chuckle*

and thats our flag!

When shonn and kai li were out of the room, i took abs' bra and hid it in kai li's bag.rach and i would do these sort of things and then laugh our heads off,while the other two can never understand whats so funny or what the big deal really is.

Rach and I. We're the Catholics (this is an inside joke,ur not supposed to get it) and we're Usually on each other's side because the other two are either too slow or too smart.Shes a hell lot of fun,this girl.when kai li cant make proper funny faces,or when shonna refuses to take pictures,ive got rachel with me.

BREAKFAST!

RRRRRRR..achel!

Shonna left,because she couldnt tolerate the racial discrimination.

So it was just us three for awhile.

Rachel and her boyfriend

Sha and Rachel's boyfriend

Kai Li and rachel's boyfriend.

and then they went home.

"You're missing something! .. ME!"

Kai Li left her towel.I believe she gets influenced by myself,rach and shonn more and more each day.

we've been friends for only a year and a little bit more.

I wont deny that these three girls are far different from theleven girls-that we dont scream and shout and curse and swear and make a terrible amount of noise about sex and sex toys and sexy lovers and sex jokes and sexy body parts or bitchy people who ruin our lives,At All.

but nah,they're wonderful all the same,and i love my days spent with them in class,or out of class,or wherever it is we are.

three more weeks till our finals. .

. .a month after that,

and that's it.

once upon a few years back,

we were such kids.
(okay,fine.Im only going to be Eighteen in five months,so comparitively,im still only a child,but whatever)
i never understood why my mom sniggered at me in form three when she found out i had a boyfriend.she said i was too young to understand and would make hasty,stupid decisions but i thought i was mature enough,in love enough,smart enough,and i hated how she had to advice me because i knew what i was doing.
but i never knew what i was doing,and sometimes even now,i still cant say i do.

she laughed and said she was Amazed at how old we think we are,"but i guess thats life and thats part of growing up and one day,you will realize how lucky you really are right now. "
and she was right (again) because right now,we all miss high school because as much drama as there used to be,it was nothing compared to what we have to deal with nowadays.

i quite hated it when she said that we're trying to grow up so quickly because i insisted that i didnt want to grow up at all.
yet,if i were to look back at those Kids,those high school children,or those just starting their a level exams,if i were to browse through their pictures or watch them laugh and cry and complain or make decisions about life and exams and sports,
id do the same as my mother did .id laugh and roll my eyes at their pathetic concerns and worries and behaviour,because They're Still Kids,and i dont think they get that. .
and then id Envy them.

small town

went to taiping last,last weekend

this is our great kong kong's house,boo.

this is for yi yi.hahaha

stole books

more books

more books

more books

and more books!!

mmm.i miss it.

my side of the story

Life,is like peanut butter and jelly,Edward.Sticky situations taste sweet once we really take that big-ass bite through the sandwich.

When im fifty,and have saggy boobs and get cranky at my own reflection, i might read all of this again and sigh with brilliant frustration. I might tell myself how stupid i was. I might tell you how stupid we were. I might just die out of embarrassment.
But i hope 50 year old Sha remembers that when she was young,she knew how to love.
The older,the wiser.Old people go through more pain and know more things and have touched and seen more.

but im sorry la,

Old people forget.

People are going to think that Sha has suddenly gone all mushy,but to Hell with other people and their judgements.
To Hell with false assumptions from superior authority.
To Hell with family,friends,strangers and aliens who argue that we've been Blinded by this puppy love,this temporary phase in life,this typical silly teenage romance.

Because We're not blind,Edward.

I know very well that ur incapable in doing many,many things.Ive been exposed to your faults and your intolerable temper.You've hurt me,killed my hopes,punctured my balloon of trust and whacked me up with silence.You're not tall.You're not handsome;you're chubby,for God's sake! You're as white as clorox,not as dark as a sexyindianmaniwanttomarry.Sometimes,u fail to understand me and you have a big issue when it comes to listening and following my advice.Passivity helps you to sit down instead of stand up.Unnecessary jealousies have overwhelmed you and such Incredible rage take over many nights.New worlds dont tempt you,you boring lump of wealth.You cannot develop that deep,passionate sense of faith. You get lazy and do absolutely nothing for days. The stories you tell are either nonsensical or cluttered and badly elaborated.Secrets are hidden away from me,mistakes repeated again and again and again.I have to tell you what to do so you will do it but even then you dont do it so i end up doing it or no one does anything and we're left with nothing at all.

Im not blind.I know that.I know you're ugly outside,inside,and upside down.

I cant shut the f up and can never control my vulgarity. I scream bad words across the room and walk away with what is apparently known as 'exaggerated body movements',because i couldnt give a shit if anyone thought i was rude or bold or bitchy. I jump around malls and laugh too loudly.My table manners are the worst with prawns ending up in my drink and rice scattered everywhere on the floor. My pride takes control of me,and insist in persuading other people to believe what i believe in,love what i love,and do as i do. I have opinions im way too passionate about, and then i become the worst and most prejudice 17 year old you know. I hurt people.I get jealous and fantasize about poisoning her. I scratch like crazy when im stressed out,and disgust people with my eczema,scabs,scars and dry skin.I say i will study,but i end up sleeping the whole afternoon away. I criticize and complain every single day about boys,and psychos,art and science and a billion other worlds i know of.Im so indecisive,i drive people nuts. A hundred secret lovers wait for me in Penang and i get easily infatuated,flirting with clowns and other creatures.

You're not blind.You know that.You know Im ugly outside,inside, and upside down .

I've fallen head over heels over heads again and again for you,and,you cannot live without my noise and nonsense.We're not blind.We know how incredibly mean and selfish we both are.We're aware of how we tend to be repulsive and deplorable in what we do.We have accepted that both of us are imperfect.
You know im rude. I know you're dumb.We see waayy past all that shit. We forgive,forget and move on each time.
We're In Love,Damn it.and you can be such a bad screw,a bloody fucking asshole for all i care.Because im loving you anyway.Regardless how our conversations sometimes end up with just sighs and pitiful remarks,Im going to love you.

So when they ask again,Why Li-Sha?or Why of all people *smirk* Edward? ,they now know its not because we're blind or deaf or dumb or defected or disabled or silly or stupid or insane,
We're in love.

One side of the world wants to believe that to fall in love,or in choosing that one person you're going to spend the rest of your life with, hes got to be perfect,or Close Enough.Well all guys suck,and dont deny it,we girls suck cock too. Nobody is perfect.He's a monster,I'm a monster,She's a monster,You're a monster.

I've decided to choose one,whom i can love and whom loves me .despite it all.

We're doing the right thing,both being in love with losers.
and that's when it really is, unconditional.

(AND BY THE WAY ,if you ever start to take drugs,sleep around,start getting drunk every week,gamble,steal or kill anyone,then im deleting this blog post and taking it ALL BACK.)

because of you,i believe in happily ever afters..

the dodgy one.

i need his passivity,he needs my loquacity.

he needs my passion,i need his sanity

we work very well together,edward.
we're wonderful partners in crime.

i hate silence.

let me tell you about my day.
i went to college,i didnt finish my c3 paper,i hated my bio6 paper,i got dropped back home by a prick who threatened to leave me all alone by the side of the road, and i spent the rest of the afternoon watching people fight against mad cow disease.
i think the only productive thing i did today,was look at myself in the mirror.

IM SO BLOODY BORED,i actually feel like Studying.
chuckle.
in literature,we learn that the world,is filled with bloody fucking bitches.every single one of us is a bloody fucking bitch. bt for lit ,instead of "bloody fucking bitch",we use the term "human".
and dont deny it ,humans. we're all mean,sinful,irrational bitches. we kill and steal and lie and break each other's hopes. its quite amazing how horrible we are. but i quite larve it that way.the world is a tragedy,an impossible drama. id be so restless with only happiness and comedies.
im so vulgar,i scare myself.
i love oscar wilde.everyone should love oscar wilde.yeah,if i were president of the world,id kill that stupid concept of a democracy and liberty of speech and blablabla.id force everyone to love oscar wilde.
and you know,I BET EVERYONE WILL.
yeah.see exams make me go cranky.it should be banned.if i were president of the world,id stop all exams.and i dont give two shits about what those universities and smart-high-tech-intelligent-professors would have to say.
ID decide who is qualified to do what.like most,im quite good at judging character.
besides,"discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation".

if u think im morbid,u have not heard of the song thrush and what it does to snails.
:P

note to self :watch ur mouth,sha.

ivebiology6andcoremathematics3tomorrow
mypaperstartsat8am
butihavenotdoneanythingatall
becauseihadnttalkedtohimfornearlyaweek
andnowwhenhesfinallyfreeirefusedtoresisttempation
forsomeonewhobelievesherselftobematureenoughwithsuchambitions
imbeingfuckstupidtonight
imbeingsoobsessiveivealwaysbeenso
nolovedoesntmakeyoudostupidthings
wejustdothemourselves
andblameitontheonethingthatsactuallygoodinthisworld

b/w .silly lovey dovey

Love is when you don’t care,

if he’s a gammaillon miles away
Or if he can’t read your mind
Or if he makes you cry
Or breaks your heart every eighty three days.

Love is when you couldn’t be bothered,

if he’s your total opposite,
With contradicting and dividing,
ways,
opinions ,
lifestyles;
always doing things
incomprehensible to you.

Love is when it doesn’t matter,

if other people want to throw stones
or break the both of you up
out of jealousy
Or anger
Or dismay
Or whatever it is,
you really couldn’t be bothered about.

Love is when you’d rather die

than to let go
of your best friend ,

(who understands your desperate need to repeat the song on the radio eleven times a day)
the one who holds you when you're sad,

and calls you just to say
"Hello.You ok?"

Love is when
you finally understand why they call it:
Unconditional.

I love you,Edweirdo.

Sometimes,Its like we’re of different wavelengths that never intercept,living in separate levels of individual realms. And with trials,exams,and more decisions coming up, I just thought its about time to tell you,him and her (even though I prb already have during the 3years,3 months and more):

Hes the sweetest.
The Only One
guy/boy/specimen of the XY chromosome

who makes me feel so happy,

-The Happiest Girl in The Whole Wide World

And,
if theres one thing we both share,
its that immature,silly desire
to be each other’s.